


Standing in the Wake of Devastation

by CaptainAwesome242



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Crying, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Post-Mission, Talking, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 02:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15378375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainAwesome242/pseuds/CaptainAwesome242
Summary: Deanna loses her first crewmember but Will is there to talk her through it





	Standing in the Wake of Devastation

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not entirely sure where the idea for this fic came from but I wanted to write it out and see where it went.
> 
> Deanna and Will can be read as friends or lovers here, I haven’t really specified but I’ve tagged both.
> 
> Most characters mentioned are OCs, except for Will’s former Captain but since I couldn’t find his name I made one up for him.
> 
> I did some research for timelines and such but I have taken a few liberties in that area.
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Title take from Iridescent by Linkin Park

It had all gone wrong.

Terribly, terribly wrong.

What had started out as a simple mission to assess the cultural progress of a peaceful race had rapidly escalated into a fight for survival.

A fight that not all of the participants survived.

Deanna sighed shakily, burying her face in her hands. She had been assigned the position of team leader on the away mission by the Captain as part of her training to become a senior crewmember. It was supposed to have been her chance to prove to all concerned that she was capable of leadership, quick thinking, and communication with other species.

Her shining moment.

But instead she’d completely blown it, and Ensign Devin Mallory had paid the price.

Aeria had only been discovered ten years before, a world untouched and uninfluenced by any other. The Aerin were a simple people, culturally similar to Earth during their medieval period - they were farmers and thatchers and builders. But unlike Earth there had never been a conflict. They were a pacifistic race who prized life above all else, and so when Starfleet made first contact the Aerin welcomed them with open arms, never for a moment suspecting ill intentions. It was for this reason that Starfleet kept the planet’s existence a secret, intent on protecting it from other races who might seek to abuse their innocence.

Deanna’s mission had simply been to check in, assess their progress, and to make sure that there had been no contact from other races. But twenty minutes into her meeting with the Aerin leader a group of people had burst into the room armed with phasers

Deanna squeezed her eyes shut, tears streaming down her pale face as the image of the young man lying face down on the ground assaulted her mind.

Devin had only been twenty two. Barely an adult in the eyes of the crew but loved as a comrade nonetheless. The young man had been an aspiring Environmental Officer, fascinated by the flora and fauna of different planets and their impact on the world around them. It was what led to Deanna’s decision to bring him onto her team - the forest planet of Aeria had a vast number of unknown strains of plants that Deanna had hoped Devin would be able to investigate as part of their mission.

But there hadn’t been time, they’d killed him too soon.

The door chime broke through her morbid thoughts but she ignored it, having neither the will nor desire to face anyone. Not right now. Maybe not ever.

She still made no move to answer it when it chimed again. Deanna already knew who it was, and she didn’t need to be comforted. Didn’t deserve it.

Light from the corridor flooded in as her door slid open, the shadow of the silhouetted man in the doorway stretching far into the room.

“Lights, 30%,” he commanded, the door closing behind him as the lights came up to a brighter but still quite dim level.

“You’re only supposed to use that override for emergencies, not when it suits you,” Deanna sniffed, eyes flicking briefly the man as he sat on the opposite side of the small table.

Will grimaced, “A crewmember not responding to any form of communication, and ignoring the door... seems like an emergency to me,”

“Well it’s not,” Deanna replied, mumbling into the hands propping her face up.

The pair were silent for a few moments, Will’s concerned eyes watching Deanna, who stared unseeingly at the table.

Will broke the silence, “Deanna, it—“

“— Don’t. Just please don’t, I don’t want to hear it,” Her accent was thicker in her emotional state.

“Hear what?” Will prompted.

Deanna huffed, “Whatever you were going to say, I really don’t feel like being lectured right now,”

“I didn’t come here to lecture you,” Will contradicted, “I came here to listen to you,”

“I don’t feel like talking,” came the murmured response.

“You’re the counsellor here, you know that talking is important,”

Deanna stayed silent and refused to look up.

“Alright then, I’ll start first,” Will cleared his throat and shuffled in his chair before beginning.

“You won’t want to hear this, but you are not the first person to lose a crewman on an away mission, and you won’t be the last,”

Tears leaked from Deanna’s eyes but she still remained silent.

“Years ago, as you know, I was stationed on the Potemkin - it was where I got my promotion to Lieutenant. Not long after my promotion, maybe two or three weeks or so? we were ordered to deliver a shipment from one mining colony to another; just tools and supplies,”

As Will had spoken Deanna had lifted her eyes, studying him with cautious interest. Will pretended not to notice as he continued.

“It was only a short trip, eight hours from one planet to the next, but they didn’t have the right ships for that kind of journey so they asked Starfleet to help out. Once we arrived there it was only a simple away mission to deliver the package and leave again - apparently not exciting enough for Captain Farrell, so he decided to put me in charge of the mission; said I needed experience in leadership,”

Deanna felt her heart plummet as she realised where this was going, but felt compelled to listen in morbid fascination.

“My team was chosen for me,” Will said, “Lieutenant Lucius Jameson from Security in case anything went wrong, and Ensign Evelyn Johnston from Communications because she’d never been on an away mission before.

“We beamed down with the crate and we were welcomed by the colony’s Administrator,” Will stared off with a faraway expression in his eyes, and Deanna’s stomach twisted in knots in horrified anticipation.

“He’d only been outside for two minutes... just two minutes... before he was shot dead and we were surrounded. We pulled our phasers on them but we were outnumbered. And they’d already shown they were capable of killing.”

“What did you do?” Deanna whispered.

Will’s eyes focussed and looked over to her; he sighed, “I ordered them to stand down. They refused, ordered us to hand over the crate. I was panicking; it had all gone wrong so quickly and I’d lost control, but I still had two crewmembers looking to me for the answers. I did the only thing I could think of - I called the Potemkin and asked for an emergency beam out of the away team and the crate. They began firing as we dematerialised.

“Next thing we knew, Lieutenant Jameson and I were stood next to the crate on the ship... and Ensign Evelyn Johnston was lying face down on the transporter pad.”

Will swallowed, “At first I thought she might have fainted, at least I hoped. But I think I always knew.

“With the death of a crewmember suddenly it wasn’t such a boring mission after all and Captain Farrell got involved.” He shook his head ruefully, “It turned out the Administrator had been creating a division between the classes, leaving half the population struggling for their lives while the other lived in luxury. When they heard there was going to be a shipment they knew they had to get it by any means.

“When Farrell found out what was happening on the planet he gave the shipment to the group who attacked us and helped the colony establish a new, fairer government. The system was reformed and everything was better than ever, all because of a single crate. And all it cost was Evie’s life,” he finished bitterly.

Deanna shook her head, “It wasn’t your fault, Will,”

Will eyes locked with hers, “If I’d have just given them the crate in the first place, they’d never have fired at us,”

“You didn’t know what their situation was, you thought they were thieves or bandits.”

“Exactly, and even then I tried to order them to stand down - we were clearly outnumbered and I was trying to be a tough guy, right before I decided to go running back to the ship.”

“Will, you were in over your head. As you said you’d just barely been promoted to Lieutenant, how could you be expected to know exactly what to do in any given situation? You made a tactical retreat back to the ship. It is terrible what happened to Evelyn but it wasn’t your fault, there’s nothing you could have done,”

“I could have given them the crate, then they’d never have shot anyone,” Will asserted, gladly noting that there was only a lingering trace of self-pity in Deanna’s eyes now that she was more concerned with him.

“You don’t know that for sure, they might have shot you all to stop you from getting reinforcements,” Deanna suggested.

“I doubt it, they were just trying to get the crate. They only killed the Administrator to send a message to the upper class, they weren’t murderers,” said Will, maintaining his position.

“You didn’t know that at the time. Things are always so much clearer in hindsight, but with the information you had at the time, I think you did the right thing - it wasn’t your fault,”

“Just like what happened to Ensign Mallory wasn’t your fault,” Will said pointedly.

Deanna’s face darkened, “That’s completely different,”

“Why?” Will asked, his voice level.

Deanna floundered for a moment, “It just is, the circumstances are not the same at all,”

“Tell me,” said Will, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.

“Well, for one thing, I’ve been on so many more away missions than you had at that time, I’ve got more experience - I should have seen it coming,”

Will shook his head, “You had no way of knowing the group would attack,”

“I should have sensed their intentions,” Deanna countered.

“Perhaps, if you had been using your abilities,” Will shrugged, “but you weren’t because the Aerin are a highly telepathic race and you were respecting their privacy by subduing your own mind,”

“Exactly, so I should have—“

“Should have what?” Will interjected, “used your ability against their wishes, just in case something happened?”

“But something did happen,” Deanna protested.

“Yes, but you didn’t know anything was going to happen. And they’d given us no indication whatsoever of the trouble they were having with the Andorians; what cause would you have had to suspect anything, and to go against the agreement you made that you wouldn’t use your abilities?”

“... I didn’t, but I still should have been more alert, maybe I could have stopped...” she trailed off, unable to speak the words; I could have stopped them from killing Devin.

“Maybe, maybe not. But you have to remember that you weren’t the only one there - Data was also there and even he couldn’t respond in time, and if Data couldn’t do it then with all due respect what chance did you have? It all happened too quickly, no one had the time to respond... this isn’t on you,”

“So what are you saying?” Deanna demanded, chest heaving with the sobs she was holding back, “That I shouldn’t feel bad at all because I couldn’t do anything!? Devin’s d— dead, but hey it wasn’t my fault so I should just be happy!?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all,” Will responded calmly, unphased by her outburst, “in fact I would be very concerned if you weren’t this upset. The emotions you’re feeling right now are all natural after something like this; you’re going to feel guilty, and lost, and cold. And I truly wish I could spare you the experience, but you need to get through it,”

“I just w- w- w- wish it never happened,” Deanna choked out wetly between sobs.

“I know, but it did, and it’s important to accept it and remember it. You need to remember the sadness, and the anger, and the frustration, and in time you’ll be able to let them go. It won’t happen overnight, and I won’t lie to you the guilt never goes away but you will learn to accept that it wasn’t your fault, and more importantly that no one will think any less of you because of it. The last thing you need to do right now isolate yourself and push everyone away,”

Will stood and gently guided Deanna over to the couch, sitting her next to him and pulled her close as she wept uncontrollably. They sat there for hours, Will stroking her hair and whispering consolations in her ear until eventually she passed out on his chest from exhaustion.

He looked down at her sadly. The next few months were going to be tough for her, there was no doubt about that, but Will had every confidence that she would make it through. And, though Will had no intention of belittling Devin Mallory’s death, he knew that this would be a true test of Deanna’s leadership; if she could lose a crewmember on a mission, and still be strong enough to lead another, along with the understanding that no mission was ever completely safe and that loss of life was an unavoidable part of their chosen careers, she would make a fine senior officer.

This realisation would take time of course, but it was a journey Will refused to let Deanna take alone as he had. He would be there for her every step of the way, as her friend, as her senior officer, or even as her lover; he would fill any role she needed him to.


End file.
